1 Kings Chapter 12
Rehoboam showed up to Shechem, since the whole of Israel was there to give him the crown. Big vibes.
And Rehoboam went to Shechem: for all Israel were come to Shechem to make him king.
Jeroboam, the guy who dipped to Egypt to escape King Solomon, got the 411 on this situation.
And it came to pass, when Jeroboam the son of Nebat, who was yet in Egypt, heard {of it}, (for he was fled from the presence of king Solomon, and Jeroboam dwelt in Egypt;)
They hit him up and brought him back. Jeroboam and the whole gang of Israel showed up, chatting with Rehoboam like,
That they sent and called him. And Jeroboam and all the congregation of Israel came, and spake unto Rehoboam, saying,
"Your pops really put us through a rough patch. Just make it easier for us, and we’ll back you up for life."
Thy father made our yoke grievous: now therefore make thou the grievous service of thy father, and his heavy yoke which he put upon us, lighter, and we will serve thee.
He was like, "Bet, give me three days to think it over, then swing back." The crew took off.
And he said unto them, Depart yet {for} three days, then come again to me. And the people departed.
King Rehoboam reached out to the wise guys who had vibes with Solomon, asking, "What’s the strategy to work with these folks?"
And king Rehoboam consulted with the old men, that stood before Solomon his father while he yet lived, and said, How do ye advise that I may answer this people?
They told him, "If you treat these people right today and keep it real, they’ll stick with you forever."
And they spake unto him, saying, If thou wilt be a servant unto this people this day, and wilt serve them, and answer them, and speak good words to them, then they will be thy servants for ever.
But he ghosted their wisdom and hit up his young homies instead.
But he forsook the counsel of the old men, which they had given him, and consulted with the young men that were grown up with him, {and} which stood before him:
He was like, "What’s the play to respond to the crowd asking for an easier load from my dad?"
And he said unto them, What counsel give ye that we may answer this people, who have spoken to me, saying, Make the yoke which thy father did put upon us lighter?
The young squad said, "Just lay it down like this: ‘My pinky’s gonna be thicker than my dad’s entire vibe.’"
And the young men that were grown up with him spake unto him, saying, Thus shalt thou speak unto this people that spake unto thee, saying, Thy father made our yoke heavy, but make thou {it} lighter unto us; thus shalt thou say unto them, My little {finger} shall be thicker than my father's loins.
Sure, my dad gave you a hard time, but I’m about to make it way worse. He used whips; I’m bringing the scorpions, no cap.
And now whereas my father did lade you with a heavy yoke, I will add to your yoke: my father hath chastised you with whips, but I will chastise you with scorpions.
So, on the third day, Jeroboam and the crew rolled back up to Rehoboam, just like he told them, ready to chat again.
So Jeroboam and all the people came to Rehoboam the third day, as the king had appointed, saying, Come to me again the third day.
The king snapped back at the people harshly, completely ignoring the advice from the elders.
And the king answered the people roughly, and forsook the old men's counsel that they gave him; {roughly: Heb. hardly}
He went with the young crew instead, saying, “My dad made life tough for you, and I’m about to crank it up. He had whips; I’m hitting you with scorpions.”
And spake to them after the counsel of the young men, saying, My father made your yoke heavy, and I will add to your yoke: my father {also} chastised you with whips, but I will chastise you with scorpions.
The king wasn’t gonna hear out the people; this was all part of the Lord’s blueprint, just like He told Ahijah the Shilonite to share with Jeroboam, no lie.
Wherefore the king hearkened not unto the people; for the cause was from the LORD, that he might perform his saying, which the LORD spake by Ahijah the Shilonite unto Jeroboam the son of Nebat.
When all of Israel peeped that the king wasn’t vibing with them, they reacted, saying, “What’s our connection to David? No inheritance with Jesse’s kid. Let’s bounce back to our tents, Israel. You do you, David.”
So when all Israel saw that the king hearkened not unto them, the people answered the king, saying, What portion have we in David? neither {have we} inheritance in the son of Jesse: to your tents, O Israel: now see to thine own house, David. So Israel departed unto their tents.
But the Israelite crew still living in Judah had Rehoboam as their king.
But {as for} the children of Israel which dwelt in the cities of Judah, Rehoboam reigned over them.
Then King Rehoboam sent Adoram, the tribute dude, and Israel straight-up stoned him. So Rehoboam jumped into his chariot, trying to escape to Jerusalem.
Then king Rehoboam sent Adoram, who {was} over the tribute; and all Israel stoned him with stones, that he died. Therefore king Rehoboam made speed to get him up to his chariot, to flee to Jerusalem. {made...: Heb. strengthened himself}
Israel was like, “Nah,” and rebelled against David’s house to this day.
So Israel rebelled against the house of David unto this day. {rebelled: or, fell away}
When all of Israel got the news that Jeroboam was back, they called him to the meet-up and made him king over all of Israel; only Judah stayed loyal to David’s crew, periodt.
And it came to pass, when all Israel heard that Jeroboam was come again, that they sent and called him unto the congregation, and made him king over all Israel: there was none that followed the house of David, but the tribe of Judah only.
Rehoboam cruised to Jerusalem and gathered all the warriors from Judah and Benjamin, about 180k ready to throw down against Israel to reclaim his throne.
And when Rehoboam was come to Jerusalem, he assembled all the house of Judah, with the tribe of Benjamin, an hundred and fourscore thousand chosen men, which were warriors, to fight against the house of Israel, to bring the kingdom again to Rehoboam the son of Solomon.
But then God slid into Shemaiah's DMs with a message.
But the word of God came unto Shemaiah the man of God, saying,
God was like, "Yo, tell Rehoboam, king of Judah, plus all the fam from Judah and Benjamin, and the leftovers, this."
Speak unto Rehoboam, the son of Solomon, king of Judah, and unto all the house of Judah and Benjamin, and to the remnant of the people, saying,
The Lord said, "Don’t go throw down with your bros, the Israelites. Just chill at home; this is my plan." They listened and headed back home, no cap.
Thus saith the LORD, Ye shall not go up, nor fight against your brethren the children of Israel: return every man to his house; for this thing is from me. They hearkened therefore to the word of the LORD, and returned to depart, according to the word of the LORD.
Then Jeroboam built Shechem in Ephraim and set up shop there; he also crafted Penuel afterward.
Then Jeroboam built Shechem in mount Ephraim, and dwelt therein; and went out from thence, and built Penuel.
Jeroboam was worried, "For real, the kingdom’s gonna slide back to David’s squad."
And Jeroboam said in his heart, Now shall the kingdom return to the house of David:
"If these people head over to sacrifice at the Lord's house in Jerusalem, they’ll vibe back with Rehoboam, and I’m done for."
If this people go up to do sacrifice in the house of the LORD at Jerusalem, then shall the heart of this people turn again unto their lord, {even} unto Rehoboam king of Judah, and they shall kill me, and go again to Rehoboam king of Judah.
So the king got some advice and made two golden calves, saying, "Chill, it’s too much to trek to Jerusalem; check out your gods, Israel, who brought you out of Egypt."
Whereupon the king took counsel, and made two calves {of} gold, and said unto them, It is too much for you to go up to Jerusalem: behold thy gods, O Israel, which brought thee up out of the land of Egypt.
He set one in Beth-el and the other in Dan.
And he set the one in Bethel, and the other put he in Dan.
And this turned into a whole mess since the people started worshipping the one in Dan.
And this thing became a sin: for the people went {to worship} before the one, {even} unto Dan.
He built a spot for worship and got some priests from the low-key crew, not even from Levi’s fam.
And he made an house of high places, and made priests of the lowest of the people, which were not of the sons of Levi.
Jeroboam threw a feast in the eighth month, on the fifteenth day, kinda like the one in Judah, and made offerings on the altar. He did the same in Beth-el, sacrificing to the calves he crafted and put priests at the high places he set up.
And Jeroboam ordained a feast in the eighth month, on the fifteenth day of the month, like unto the feast that {is} in Judah, and he offered upon the altar. So did he in Bethel, sacrificing unto the calves that he had made: and he placed in Bethel the priests of the high places which he had made. {offered...: or, went up to the altar, etc} {sacrificing: or, to sacrifice}
So, he offered on the altar he made in Beth-el on the fifteenth of the eighth month, a month he thought up himself; and he threw a feast for the Israelites, burning incense on the altar.
So he offered upon the altar which he had made in Bethel the fifteenth day of the eighth month, {even} in the month which he had devised of his own heart; and ordained a feast unto the children of Israel: and he offered upon the altar, and burnt incense. {offered...: or, went up to the altar, etc} {and burnt...: Heb. to burn incense}