1 Kings Chapter 1
King David was mad old and kinda cold; they draped blankets over him, but he was still feeling chilly, no cap.
Now king David was old {and} stricken in years; and they covered him with clothes, but he gat no heat. {stricken...: Heb. entered into days}
His squad was like, "Yo, let’s find a young baddie to warm up the king, fr."
Wherefore his servants said unto him, Let there be sought for my lord the king a young virgin: and let her stand before the king, and let her cherish him, and let her lie in thy bosom, that my lord the king may get heat. {Let there...: Heb. Let them seek} {a young...: Heb. a damsel, a virgin} {cherish...: Heb. be a cherisher unto him}
They looked all over Israel and found this total queen, Abishag from Shunem, and brought her to the king.
So they sought for a fair damsel throughout all the coasts of Israel, and found Abishag a Shunammite, and brought her to the king.
She was super cute and took care of the king, but he wasn’t vibing with her like that.
And the damsel {was} very fair, and cherished the king, and ministered to him: but the king knew her not.
Then Adonijah, son of Haggith, was like, "I’m about to be king!" and got chariots and a whole crew to flex for him.
Then Adonijah the son of Haggith exalted himself, saying, I will be king: and he prepared him chariots and horsemen, and fifty men to run before him. {be king: Heb. reign}
His dad never called him out on anything, and he was a pretty chill dude; his mom had him after Absalom.
And his father had not displeased him at any time in saying, Why hast thou done so? and he also {was a} very goodly {man}; and {his mother} bare him after Absalom. {at any...: Heb. from his days}
He teamed up with Joab and Abiathar the priest, and they were all about helping Adonijah pop off.
And he conferred with Joab the son of Zeruiah, and with Abiathar the priest: and they following Adonijah helped {him}. {he...: Heb. his words were with} {following...: Heb. helped after Adonijah}
But Zadok the priest, Benaiah, Nathan the prophet, and the OGs who rolled with David weren’t vibing with Adonijah.
But Zadok the priest, and Benaiah the son of Jehoiada, and Nathan the prophet, and Shimei, and Rei, and the mighty men which {belonged} to David, were not with Adonijah.
Adonijah was out here butchering sheep and oxen by Zoheleth’s stone, inviting all the king’s sons and Judah’s squad.
And Adonijah slew sheep and oxen and fat cattle by the stone of Zoheleth, which {is} by Enrogel, and called all his brethren the king's sons, and all the men of Judah the king's servants: {Enrogel: or, the well Rogel}
But he didn’t holla at Nathan the prophet, Benaiah, the mighty men, or his brother Solomon, which was kinda sus.
But Nathan the prophet, and Benaiah, and the mighty men, and Solomon his brother, he called not.
So Nathan slid into Bath-sheba's DMs, like, "Yo, have you heard? Adonijah is lowkey taking over, and David has no idea. That’s sus."
Wherefore Nathan spake unto Bathsheba the mother of Solomon, saying, Hast thou not heard that Adonijah the son of Haggith doth reign, and David our lord knoweth {it} not?
He’s like, "Listen, I got some advice that could save your life and Solomon’s too, no cap."
Now therefore come, let me, I pray thee, give thee counsel, that thou mayest save thine own life, and the life of thy son Solomon.
"Go hit up King David and ask him, 'Didn’t you swear Solomon would be the next king? So why’s Adonijah acting like he’s the boss?'
Go and get thee in unto king David, and say unto him, Didst not thou, my lord, O king, swear unto thine handmaid, saying, Assuredly Solomon thy son shall reign after me, and he shall sit upon my throne? why then doth Adonijah reign?
"While you’re chatting with the king, I’ll roll in right after you to back you up."
Behold, while thou yet talkest there with the king, I also will come in after thee, and confirm thy words. {confirm: Heb. fill up}
Bath-sheba walked in on the king, who was super old, and Abishag the Shunammite was taking care of him, vibing hard.
And Bathsheba went in unto the king into the chamber: and the king was very old; and Abishag the Shunammite ministered unto the king.
Bath-sheba bowed down, showing mad respect. The king was like, "What’s good?"
And Bathsheba bowed, and did obeisance unto the king. And the king said, What wouldest thou? {What...: Heb. What to thee?}
She said, "My lord, you swore by God that Solomon would be the next king and sit on your throne, periodt."
And she said unto him, My lord, thou swarest by the LORD thy God unto thine handmaid, {saying}, Assuredly Solomon thy son shall reign after me, and he shall sit upon my throne.
"But now, Adonijah is reigning, and you don’t even know, my king."
And now, behold, Adonijah reigneth; and now, my lord the king, thou knowest {it} not:
"He’s throwing a feast with oxen and sheep, inviting all the king’s sons and Abiathar the priest, but Solomon’s totally left out, that’s wild."
And he hath slain oxen and fat cattle and sheep in abundance, and hath called all the sons of the king, and Abiathar the priest, and Joab the captain of the host: but Solomon thy servant hath he not called.
"All of Israel is looking to you, my king, to decide who’s gonna take the throne after you."
And thou, my lord, O king, the eyes of all Israel {are} upon thee, that thou shouldest tell them who shall sit on the throne of my lord the king after him.
So when my dude, the king, kicks it with his fam, me and my son Solomon are gonna be seen as the bad guys.
Otherwise it shall come to pass, when my lord the king shall sleep with his fathers, that I and my son Solomon shall be counted offenders. {offenders: Heb. sinners}
And while she was talking to the king, Nathan the prophet just rolled in.
And, lo, while she yet talked with the king, Nathan the prophet also came in.
They told the king, "Yo, Nathan's here!" And when he walked in, he totally bowed down with his face to the ground.
And they told the king, saying, Behold Nathan the prophet. And when he was come in before the king, he bowed himself before the king with his face to the ground.
Nathan was like, "Yo king, did you really say Adonijah's gonna take over and sit on my throne?"
And Nathan said, My lord, O king, hast thou said, Adonijah shall reign after me, and he shall sit upon my throne?
'Cause today he’s down there, killing oxen and all that, throwing a feast, and he’s called all the king's sons and the crew, saying, "God save king Adonijah!"
For he is gone down this day, and hath slain oxen and fat cattle and sheep in abundance, and hath called all the king's sons, and the captains of the host, and Abiathar the priest; and, behold, they eat and drink before him, and say, God save king Adonijah. {God...: Heb. Let king Adonijah live}
But me, your boy, Zadok the priest, and Benaiah, we weren’t invited to that party.
But me, {even} me thy servant, and Zadok the priest, and Benaiah the son of Jehoiada, and thy servant Solomon, hath he not called.
Is this what’s poppin', king? And you didn’t tell me who’s supposed to sit on your throne after you?
Is this thing done by my lord the king, and thou hast not shewed {it} unto thy servant, who should sit on the throne of my lord the king after him?
Then king David said, "Bring me Bath-sheba." And she came through and stood in front of him.
Then king David answered and said, Call me Bathsheba. And she came into the king's presence, and stood before the king. {into...: Heb. before the king}
And the king swore, saying, "As the Lord lives, who saved me from all my struggles,
And the king sware, and said, {As} the LORD liveth, that hath redeemed my soul out of all distress,
just like I promised you by the Lord God of Israel, Solomon your son is gonna reign after me and take my throne; I’m making it happen today."
Even as I sware unto thee by the LORD God of Israel, saying, Assuredly Solomon thy son shall reign after me, and he shall sit upon my throne in my stead; even so will I certainly do this day.
Bath-sheba straight up bowed down, showing mad respect to the king, and said, "Let my dude King David live forever, fr."
Then Bathsheba bowed with {her} face to the earth, and did reverence to the king, and said, Let my lord king David live for ever.
King David was like, "Yo, get me Zadok the priest, Nathan the prophet, and Benaiah, Jehoiada's son." They pulled up to the king.
And king David said, Call me Zadok the priest, and Nathan the prophet, and Benaiah the son of Jehoiada. And they came before the king.
The king said, "Bring your crew and let my son Solomon ride my mule down to Gihon, no cap."
The king also said unto them, Take with you the servants of your lord, and cause Solomon my son to ride upon mine own mule, and bring him down to Gihon: {mine...: Heb. which belongeth to me}
"And let Zadok and Nathan anoint him king over Israel; blast that trumpet and shout, 'God save King Solomon!'"
And let Zadok the priest and Nathan the prophet anoint him there king over Israel: and blow ye with the trumpet, and say, God save king Solomon.
"Then y'all can roll up after him, so he can sit on my throne; he's gonna be king in my place, periodt."
Then ye shall come up after him, that he may come and sit upon my throne; for he shall be king in my stead: and I have appointed him to be ruler over Israel and over Judah.
Benaiah, Jehoiada's son, was like, "Bet! The Lord God of my king says so too."
And Benaiah the son of Jehoiada answered the king, and said, Amen: the LORD God of my lord the king say so {too}.
"Just like the Lord has been with my king, may He be with Solomon and make his throne even more lit than yours, King David."
As the LORD hath been with my lord the king, even so be he with Solomon, and make his throne greater than the throne of my lord king David.
So Zadok, Nathan, Benaiah, and the squad rolled down, put Solomon on King David’s mule, and took him to Gihon.
So Zadok the priest, and Nathan the prophet, and Benaiah the son of Jehoiada, and the Cherethites, and the Pelethites, went down, and caused Solomon to ride upon king David's mule, and brought him to Gihon.
Zadok grabbed a horn of oil from the tabernacle and anointed Solomon. They blew the trumpet, and everyone was like, "God save King Solomon!"
And Zadok the priest took an horn of oil out of the tabernacle, and anointed Solomon. And they blew the trumpet; and all the people said, God save king Solomon.
The whole squad came up after him, playing pipes and vibing with joy, so loud that the earth shook with their hype.
And all the people came up after him, and the people piped with pipes, and rejoiced with great joy, so that the earth rent with the sound of them. {pipes: or, flutes}
Adonijah and his crew were vibing after dinner when they caught wind of the trumpet. Joab was like, "What’s with all this noise? The city’s wildin’!"
And Adonijah and all the guests that {were} with him heard {it} as they had made an end of eating. And when Joab heard the sound of the trumpet, he said, Wherefore {is this} noise of the city being in an uproar?
While he was talking, Jonathan, Abiathar's son, rolled up. Adonijah was like, "Yo, come in! You’re a real one and got good news."
And while he yet spake, behold, Jonathan the son of Abiathar the priest came: and Adonijah said unto him, Come in; for thou {art} a valiant man, and bringest good tidings.
Jonathan was like, "No cap, King David just crowned Solomon as king."
And Jonathan answered and said to Adonijah, Verily our lord king David hath made Solomon king.
The king sent Zadok the priest, Nathan the prophet, and Benaiah with the Cherethites and Pelethites, and they had Solomon riding on the king’s mule, no lie.
And the king hath sent with him Zadok the priest, and Nathan the prophet, and Benaiah the son of Jehoiada, and the Cherethites, and the Pelethites, and they have caused him to ride upon the king's mule:
Zadok and Nathan anointed him king at Gihon, and they came back lit, making the city pop off. That’s the noise you heard.
And Zadok the priest and Nathan the prophet have anointed him king in Gihon: and they are come up from thence rejoicing, so that the city rang again. This {is} the noise that ye have heard.
And guess what? Solomon's sitting on the throne now.
And also Solomon sitteth on the throne of the kingdom.
The king's servants came to bless David, saying, "May Solomon’s name be even more lit than yours, and his throne greater than yours." David was like, "Respect," and bowed.
And moreover the king's servants came to bless our lord king David, saying, God make the name of Solomon better than thy name, and make his throne greater than thy throne. And the king bowed himself upon the bed.
The king said, "Bless up to the Lord God of Israel for giving someone to sit on my throne today. I’m here for it."
And also thus said the king, Blessed {be} the LORD God of Israel, which hath given {one} to sit on my throne this day, mine eyes even seeing {it}.
All of Adonijah's guests were shook, bounced up, and dipped out, fr.
And all the guests that {were} with Adonijah were afraid, and rose up, and went every man his way.
Adonijah was scared of Solomon, got up, and grabbed onto the horns of the altar like, "Help!"
And Adonijah feared because of Solomon, and arose, and went, and caught hold on the horns of the altar.
So, word got to Solomon that Adonijah was shook, holding onto the altar like, "Yo, swear you won't take me out, king Solomon."
And it was told Solomon, saying, Behold, Adonijah feareth king Solomon: for, lo, he hath caught hold on the horns of the altar, saying, Let king Solomon swear unto me to day that he will not slay his servant with the sword.
Solomon was like, "If you keep it real and show some rizz, you won't even lose a hair. But if you sus, it’s curtains for you."
And Solomon said, If he will shew himself a worthy man, there shall not an hair of him fall to the earth: but if wickedness shall be found in him, he shall die.
So, king Solomon sent for him, and they brought him down from the altar. He came and bowed, and Solomon was like, "Aight, just head home."
So king Solomon sent, and they brought him down from the altar. And he came and bowed himself to king Solomon: and Solomon said unto him, Go to thine house.